Toys

Remember when you were a child and the night before your birthday seemed to take forever because you just couldn’t wait to rip open your sweet presents? Eventually the dawn would come and you would race into your parents’ bedroom screaming “I WANT MA PRESENTS! WHERE MA PRESENTS!?”. Bleary eyed but masking their belligerence at being woken up so early for the sake of your special day they produce a pile of presents and lay them before you. So many choices... I always liked leaving the biggest one until last to get a better excitement climax out of the whole experience.

Little does a child realise that ripping off the packaging and playing with the new toy are two completely conflicting activities – time wise that is. Because removing the wrapping takes about 3 seconds whereas trying to remove the toy from overly complicated box packaging takes eons. Like Barbie dolls. Barbie would smile at you through the plastic window of her prison waiting to be played with. She would look perfect in the box but it isn’t until you try to get her out that you realise she has been taped, stapled and roped in there – as have her useless accessories. There are plastic ties around her wrists, ankles and neck as if every Barbie doll tried to escape at the factory of their creation. It’s like bondage for Barbie – she is smiling after all.

Why is it they need to do this to children? By the time I had opened the biggest present my parents had probably fallen back asleep with their eyes open just to fool me and would be unable to help with the opening process. Meaning Barbie would cheerfully grin at you whilst you attempted to use your useless child digits to release her. Basically you need everything short of a blow torch to get these suckers out. I’m sure it’s the same with any toy. Trucks, baby dolls, dinosaur toys and even blocks have proven nigh impossible to get out of its packaging without a major struggle.

After seeing “Toy Story” I actually wonder if they are trying to escape... though didn’t the toys in the movie like being played with? All I know is after I saw that film I tried to trick my toys into talking to me. I’d leave the room and then race back in to catch them unawares. No luck. I’d sit down on the floor with them and reason “it’s okay, guys, I know you can talk... just show me. I won’t tell anyone else.”     

But they never spoke to me...

Or did they?