Un-Bear-able

Okay I really didn’t think I needed to write this blog but I can’t hold it in anymore.

Bear Grylls is stupid. Or rather his show “Man vs Wild” is stupid. A load of wank dispensed directly into your own private domain.

Now I was holding off writing this blog because I watched my first ever screening of the show last week and was frustrated from the minute the theme song had finished rolling. I did some research (well Wikipedia...) and found out that Bear had done all these things for charity and is the best person ever and blah blah blah so I tried really hard not to bag his unnecessarily adventurous ass. That was until I saw another episode.

Where do I begin? The show starts with a disclaimer that blatantly says half the crap you see has been set up for him to conquer whilst his safety team stand mere millimetres from the shot should he endure a splinter or some such thing. It just annoys me that some people will be watching and assuming everything seen on the show is real and he is a real man trying to succeed against a harsh landscape and to an extent it is. But remember people – it’s a TV SHOW! It is designed for our entertainment. If it was real he would starve and commando crawl his sorry and soggy ass to a blunt object and club himself to death. If only. That is what I would watch.  

Okay there are some good skills he is teaching – I get it. But the fact is you wouldn’t need these skills if you kept clear of all treacherous landscapes unattended. The show is begging moronic individuals to go to remote and dangerous locations, taunt predators and make heroes of themselves. Having said that – what is the first rule of most safety and rescue related occupations? Don’t be a hero. But Mr. Grylls is encouraging us with his slow and oddly intonated narration that any type of nature situation can be solved with bungee cord from his backpack. Why doesn’t he have anything sensible in his backpack? From what I’ve seen it holds nothing more than a knife and his gaudy jacket when he chooses to take it off. Why doesn’t he have a torch or some dried food? I’m no adventure seeker but I know what is required for camping type situations.

How does he get away with murdering innocent animals on television? I was disgusted to see him murder a wild pig. It was ghastly. And unnecessary. How are animal rights people not up in arms?

I just realised that this show is really no different to “Jackass”. Think about it. The disclaimer at the start of the programme, a host with little hair and an odd speaking voice and eating disgusting objects such as poo, wee, blood, etc. Not to mention a stupid name. How is Steve-O any different to Bear? I guess Bear hasn’t drunk his own piss yet... I’m sure it’s in the works when the “writers” get desperate.

He's just an oversized boy scout. I want him to get mauled by a bear... there’s some good watchin’.