Irony and Pie: art

Friday, 30 March 2012

Common Courtesy, Where Art Thou?

Is etiquette dead?

Sure there are occasions when someone says “thank you” or “please” or holds a door open for you but I’ve noticed recently that there is no etiquette in cultural places.

The other week I went to the art gallery in a sudden show of cultural interest. It was very interesting and in this case I wanted to read all the little plaques that went alongside the images. That wasn’t going to happen. Not only was the place fit to bursting with middle – to old age people gawping, narrowing their eyes and taking off their glasses to get a better look at stuff but they managed to hog every damn article in the joint. If they weren’t practically pressing their faces up against the glass then they were discussing loudly about how this relates to last night’s episode of “The Bill” and how “My Wesley could’ve painted that.”

By the time I managed to elbow other people out of the way to stand directly in front of a piece then a fat older woman would barge right in front of me and bend over. I was literally staring at ass against my will. Excuse me? If I wanted to see sweat pants working that hard I’d go to a McDonald’s. I didn’t come here to be nauseated – not by the other patrons at least.

Have these people reached their older years and gone “You know what? I’ve been polite long enough. Fuck the youth. They can stare at my fat ass all day long.” That doesn’t seem very fair. (Flash forward into the future where I am MC Hammer dancing in front the Mona Lisa whilst knitting) – HA that would never happen. I can’t knit.

I thought the older generation were the ones who were meant to tell us off for being rude? I thought it was meant to be the younger generation that weren’t taught proper manners or discipline and were then brought up by poor defenceless teachers. Apparently not. Or apparently yes and I just got a particularly rowdy bunch of elderly persons. One of the ladies was wearing a sun visor – INSIDE. Is this a rebellious fashion choice? Like wearing sunglasses at night? Take it from me – do not mess with a woman wearing a sun visor indoors. She might eat you and assimilate your youth as her own. For that matter if you see a young person wearing a sun visor indoors – RUN!

Monday, 30 January 2012

The Duck Face Through History

So I figured this blog needed some culture... to an extent. Therefore I have compiled a chronological list of different art works that happen to contain the well known duck face. If you don't know what the duck face is - somehow you managed to escape its pouty wrath - here is what urban dictionary has to say:

"A term used to descibe the face made if you push your lips together in a combination of a pout and a pucker, giving the impression you have larger cheekbones and bigger lips."

Or better yet this:

"Stupid facial expression put forth by stupid [people] that don't know how to smile. The Duckface is made by moving both lips has far up and outward as possible..."

I've realised that seeing the presence of this facial expression through centuries of art makes it apparent that this "face of a duck" is not such a recent development. I now argue that it is encoded in our DNA as homo sapiens. Perhaps this was a way of prepping yourself in order to gain the fittest mate. Maybe bigger lips are an outward sign to any approaching mate that you are capable of performing certain tasks better than any other? And by that I mean warding off predators by confusing them into thinking you are a large duck with the ability to smother them in a painful yet pouty death. You decide...