Honk if you Hate Bumper Stickers!

Bumper stickers and the people that use them are getting out of control. Sure, we’ve all been use to seeing a small number of stickers motoring by. Maybe a “give peace a chance” here or a “honk if you’re horny” there but nowhere near the number you see these days – I say “these days” as if I were elderly. It’s part of my charm.

I’ve been feeling that if you have to have more than two stickers preaching the same similar message then you are an idiot. You are an idiot for treating your reader as an idiot. If you have a bunch stickers saying “save the whales”, “love is all you need”, “I heart trees” and so on – I GET IT. You throw your vote away come every election time – I UNDERSTAND. For some reason when it comes to car messages we really feel the need to drive the main message home. The main message may only contain a handful of words and colours but they do have a certain sub-text – see the image below…

The sub text of these stickers reads – “I AM A DOUCHE”.

Not only that but if have them all over your back wind shield – as most do – then how the heck do you see? Which brings me to my next point. I have created a formula that helps me manage the days when I see several sticker riddled cars. For every sticker you see on a car deduct ten IQ points. That oughta’ make it a bit easier for you.  Try it with your friends. Now you will understand the cars with all the stickers driving terribly and crushing all those that come into contact with their blind spot as they can’t check any of their windows or mirrors due to sticker overload.

Why do people get them anyway? They are so garish and moronic. Look at this.

Best bumper stickers of 2011? What part of 2011 was really marked with the phrase “Too old to care”? I guess with all the rapture nonsense that was flying around that might do it… but really. Doesn’t the population have any intelligence or dignity anymore?

Oh wait. That’s the other thing – My Family stickers. I’m sure you’ve seen these. Everybody is being really cute with their personalised illustrations of each family member plastered to their car. Wow the little girl likes – what’s that? – oh skipping. Yee-haw. They say that they are individual yet EVERYONE HAS THEM. They’ve also become a great beacon for non-nuclear families. Like ones that just have a mum and two kids – you ain’t got no daddy! Haw haw! Maybe single mums are using them as dating ice-breakers. In their minds Prince Charming will help her get her groceries to the car and notice the sticker and then they will fall in love and blah blah blah. I doubt that very much. I saw one the other day that was two older guys, an older woman and then some kids – is that some sort of messed up ménage a trois situation?

I’ve gone on long enough – my blood is beginning to boil so to ease you out here is an image I found rather amusing.

Really, People?

No but seriously... really?

Okay I tend to dwell more on the negatives that happen to me in my life but, honestly, who doesn't? The point is how can you see the good in people when people keep pooping all over my existence - at this point in time not literally which is some sort of providence...

Here is my life scoop. I came back to my car to find a massive scratch and dent in it. The culprit was nowhere to be found. How can you do that? Seriously, how can you be such a shite individual that you can cause serious damage and just walk away? In this case it would be driving away but given the incompetent driving they employed when scraping the crap out of my car they are probably dead after driving off a cliff.
I can only hope.

I was aware that the road contained a variety of morons who couldn't drive for various reasons but I figured my overly cautious driving ability had rendered me pretty lucky... but there you go... Morons strike again! You never can win.

Pretty much for the rest of the day all I could imagine was going through a parking lot, walking over the bonnets and smashing the lights out of every car with a baseball bat. It would be a light smashing frenzy with cathartic undertones. It is what gets me through the day without getting arrested. Tomorrow could be a different story if this happens again...

Humans = Big Ol' Suckfest

When you get a job and it involves anything to do with talking and dealing with people face-to-face you eventually come to the realization that people suck.

Let me just emphasise that a little bit more – people SUCK.

I’m sure we’ve all been in a retail/hospitality type situation where an individual goes crazy over the most trivial and insignificant matters. It happens A LOT.

I’ve been working at a hotel for a while now and I never knew people were so annoying – particularly when they are holidays. When I go on holiday I go there to see the place I am visiting, eat good food and have a good time. I never care about the state of the place I stay in (unless of course it is crawling with lice and there is no roof) but SO many people do. I am constantly bombarded by the wankiest complaints.

“Excuse me but does the body lotion in the bathroom contain wheat?”

“My soap dish wasn’t properly cleaned. I think someone might have stayed in my room before me”

“My television only gets 399 channels and I really need 400”

“When I go into the public swimming pool other people can see me and it isn’t very private”

“I’ve been in my room for five minutes and it hasn’t been cleaned again yet”

For the most part people whinge about stuff they should have found out before arriving. If you do your research then you won’t need to get all huffy about the fact that, no, your room does not have a gold plated urinal that shoots fanta when flushed whilst playing “We Will Rock you”.

Why do people suck?

Interacting with other humans is mostly an unpleasant experience and all the good people you meet and see don’t counteract the lame ones that plague the earth demanding soy sheets and turtle friendly light fixtures.

I think the only conclusion is that people are douche bags love to complain. Or rather older people love to complain. I consider myself to be in the youthful category and I have hardly ever complained about anything in any official capacity because I go at it with the thought “get over it”. Older people (and I had SO better not turn into one… though maybe it’s fun…) like to find fault in most things and nothing compares to their humble abodes which begs the conclusion to STAY AT HOME. Buy some inflatable palm trees, throw some sand about the place and BAM a tropical paradise in your own home.

What annoying people have YOU dealt with?