Dub Step: Sounds of Sci-Fi and Pingers

Recently, I had the most unfortunate experience of accidently lending my ears to the new genre of music which is labelled “dub step”. Good ol’ reliable Wikipedia had a definition ready for me which states that dub step consists of ‘“tightly coiled productions with overwhelming bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, clipped samples, and occasional vocals”’. In layman’s terms this means a lot of jangly noise you could do without, but if tied to a chair and forced to listen then the intake of many, many multicoloured illicit drugs are a must-have.

This “genre” seemed to gently slip its way into the music scene, if you ask me. One minute I was listening to the new Britney Spears’ song (don’t judge – and, yes, it sucked), bopping away at her stupid lyrics and girlish yet skanky tones when suddenly a transformer with a booming voice and a stutter must have crashed through the walls of the recording studio and had at it with the microphone. Meanwhile Britney must have been crushed in the frenzy as she only returns in the song to reiterate what has already been said and therefore already been recorded.

Basically dub step sounds like this:
“BOOOOOOO BA BA… MMMmmm T-T-T-T-T-T VVVVVVVWWWWWAAAAAA… Brrrrr Dun zz zz zz zz zz. Woooooooooooooooooooooooo. WA WA WA WA WA Wa Wa wa wa wa… boom boom tsk tsk tsk”

And repeat for what feels like hours.  

Sorry, how is this music? These are just sounds. Noises.

If I wanted to know what a washing machine and a waffle ironing wooing one another with sounds would be like – this is it.

Sure listen to it at the clubs where everyone’s main goal is to get with someone without seeming like they went to the club in the first place to get some as this becomes obnoxious back noise that doesn’t make people feel awkward. I would feel awkward though – how do you dance to that? There’s no poppy lyrics telling you to “put your hands up” or “jump, jump, jump” so what is there to do when you are being told, in song, by Optimus Prime to… … who knows? Seems like you need to be able to manipulate time in order to dance in slow motion with – at least – an expression on your face which makes you look as if you are stuck in a vacuum cleaner yet really nonchalant about the whole affair.   

In summary – and in case you hadn’t already guessed – not a fan.

Singing and or Dancing

Am I the only one who finds it embarrassing when you are on the dance floor, a song comes on that you sort of know, you make dancey movements based on the beats of the song only to have them stop suddenly and you are caught unawares making the wrong move to the wrong part of the song?

That was a long starting sentence but the problem is there. I go to a club half-knowing a tune and dancing about only to have my song ignorance physically played out before the eyes of every sweaty onlooker in the club. Eep.

For example the song might go “Jump, jump, jump, jump then move like a chicken. Jump, jump, jump, jump and STOP!” only to have me moving like a chicken in a world of frozen yet judgemental looks.

It’s the same with karaoke (one of my personal worst nightmares – I mean if I wanted to hear people sing badly I’d watch “American Idol”) or even just singing along in the car - you start singing what you think are the words only to have the person/people listening laugh hysterically at your stupidity. Most people don’t even think about the lyrics to a song when they sing them... which is really disturbing when you catch a nine year old singing “oh yeah baby I’ll shake my ass just for you – we can do it too – and then you can see my ooo ooo oooh!” (okay I made that up but there are some pretty sexually explicit and twisted lyrics floating around the airwaves).

I’ve been caught out singing the wrong words... I guess I wasn’t really thinking but rather getting lost in the sweet tune of “Single Ladies” by Beyonce. The song goes “Up in the club, we just broke up, I’m doing my own little thing”. I thought she said “Up in the club, I just woke up, Doing my own little thing”. Well for the most part I got it right and I think the laughter was only a slight titter from my audience at this point... it wasn’t until Beyonce starts with “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it, Don’t be mad once you see that he want it” that I sing (or rather bellow as this is a loud powerful part) “If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it, Don’t be mad cos’ I peed on it, If you liked it then you should’ve put a ring on it”. Wuh uh oh.

Cue uproar of laughter from all sides.

Sure karaoke has the lyrics highlighted for you but if I’m mid-song, getting into my groove, eyes closed, power stance in place like I’m going to be double checking.

I guess in future I’ll sing quieter, study lyrics more often, dance less wildly and laugh it all off...

...Pfff... No.