Buzz Words

Have you ever noticed that decades of modern history are marked by fashion and music? You know how music channels do montages of the best hits of the 80s, 90s and so on and each clip stars the same hideous garb as the last? I can never sit through those... seeing monster shoulder pads alongside crimped hair more than once activates my gag reflex.

Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that I've realised that decades are not only defined by fashion mistakes and music, they are also noted for their buzz words. As in words that were really big at the time and whenever anyone says them in context now people stop, stare and judge. Like when I was watching "Fern Gully" recently and I came out with "that was a totally bodacious and tubular lunch". I'm pretty sure my audience are still sitting at the cafe staring at the space I use to be sitting in.

I've noticed in this day and age - as in NOW - people tend to use a whole bunch of buzz words in order to make sales. Recently, if an ad for any product comes on television or the radio or one of those annoying people that stand in the middle of the shopping centre going "Excuse me! Excuse me ma'am? Want to try this?" they use words that somehow make you feel like you are doing something good for yourself. Words like "minerals", "anti-oxidants", "organic", "free-range" and "herbal" just to mention a few. Nowadays if a product is selling itself to you and it doesn't have one of these words or something similar on it we don't care. We, the people, want to feel good about buying something that is that little bit more expensive (and it only is that little bit more expensive because of these words not because the product is actually going to deliver any of this promised jargon) so we get a little ego boost about how awesome we are for locating, finding and using the product. Think of how many people we can tell about the product we use.

"Oh Cindy I just bought the most FABULOUS hand moisturiser. It's made from 5000% organic anti-oxidants and with every bottle I've freed an Atlantic salmon from captivity."
"Okay. Cool. I just use the cheap stuff from the supermarket."
"I don't feel that using the 'cheap' stuff is contributing to our fast-paced globalised world and its living creatures."
"I didn't realise that fish were so heavily impacted by my choice of hand lotion."
"Oh they are, Cindy. They are."
..............................
"So, does it work?"
"Not really."

Buzz, buzz, buzz. If someone tells me about the benefits of anti-oxidants I want to then go ahead and ask them if they know what an anti-oxidant actually is - without googling it. We like to believe we are going that extra step to help something rather than just ourselves so the purchase won't make us feel too bad.

Now that we can identify these ad ploys we need to quickly get on board with the next big thing - what's some new buzz words we can throw around in the next ten years and make squillions of dollars? How about... a secret herb that is made only by Sha-Shark-Kan monks in the remote jungles of South America? Or... the never before known extract of a cumquat that will keep you looking good and quite fragrant forever...

To Crutch? Or to Crotch?

I've been noticing more and more lately that people are misusing and interchanging the words crutch and crotch. There is a difference, people!
When someone says something like "I'm going to kick that guy in the crutch" I imagine a poor old man getting his crutches kicked from beneath him, hitting the ground in a frenzy of chewed elderly flesh and cracked bones.

Let's get this straight.

A crutch is the thing you hobble about with after being in a foolish snowboarding/motorbiking/slipping over in the shower accident.
A crotch is the thing between your legs. I don't think I need to go in to any more detail on that...

Can you find the incorrect word use with these sentences?

Has anyone seen my crotch? I need to go to the fun fair.

Boy, my crutch is really itchy and inflamed.

I'm going to clutch my crutch to my crotch and sail over the moon.

The more you know.

The Ubiquitous "Good"

“Hi, how are you?”

“Good. How are you?”

“Good.”

Does this sound familiar to you? Is this something you hear almost every day with slight variation? Whether you have a job that forces you to ask the question or you go into a shop and are asked this question – even online - either way you hear this little exchange A LOT.

How many people are actually “good” when they respond this way? I know I’m usually not but if I spent the time explaining the different components of my emotional and physical state in that moment I would probably get stared at – pity stared.

When I was studying in England I had to get use to the shopkeepers asking “you alright?” when you entered a store. At the beginning I would simply reply “yes” or “yes, I’m fine” and then on came the stares. Apparently, in Britain, you don’t need to reply to that. It isn’t so much a question but rather a statement acknowledging your presence. It worked wonders when I realised a slight smile or nod would satisfy them and I tried to bring this knowledge back to my home land.

It didn’t work.

Most of the time people thought I was either mute, incapable of speaking English or just a total non-communicative cow.

It is more than likely this response is just a failsafe question and answer so we can continue with what actually needs to get done. I mean I’m sure that neither one us really cares how the other is feeling. We just need a short, polite yet pointless opener to appropriately get what we want from one another without arousing suspicion of others – albeit our bosses or other judgemental onlookers.

As a kid I would always get asked “how was school?” and I would, without fail, respond with “good”. Not that I didn’t have a good day – I’m sure if it was lousy and filled with hate due to some other kid laughing at my kneecaps then I would want to share but if it had been an average day where not much happened I would just say the word that frees us from further explanation and boring small talk.  

Actually this word is kind of freeing. I don’t have to reveal myself to strangers on a regular basis. They might take the hint if I say I’m good and have big puffy, red eyes from crying or blood shooting from my temple and not ask any more questions. In fact, I feel positive about the mundane and mediocre nature of the word “good”. And right now, after typing this blog, I feel good.