Words Strike Again!

"You know what... that dress you bought last week that I said looked really good on you actually looks terrible – just sayin’!”

Has anyone noticed that the phrase “just sayin’” is a guaranteed social get-out-of-jail-free-card? You can say whatever you want to someone and by adding “just sayin’” to the end you have ensured there will be no ramifications of saying what you really think. Usually we bite our tongues when giving criticism to people... unless you’re a total douche and just act like an ass to everyone. But to those who actually have friends they tend to be nice. There are certain phrases, however, that allow you to speak your mind... aside from “just sayin’”.

There is:

 “I didn’t want to tell you this but...”

“You didn’t hear this from me...”

“I wasn’t going to say anything but...”

“No offence!”

And so on.

Basically, you need to add these to any sentence and then go nuts with whatever thinly veiled insult criticism you have. It seems like an odd loophole that has presented itself to us. Usually the phrase was “if you can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all”. Now it’s “say whatever the hell you like but don’t make it seem like it’s coming direct from you, rather it’s a duty you are performing to aid the other person in their mistakes”.

Here are some of my own:

“Fake tan is the most fail creation I’ve ever seen. No one can seem to get it right – just sayin’!”

“No offence but if you wear Crocs you will look stupid.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything but Lady Gaga’s bizarre dress choices are a scapegoat for her inability to dance very well.”

“I didn’t want to tell you this but the epilogue in the final Harry Potter book was sappy and unnecessary.”

Just sayin’!

Talking and Driving

Have you ever noticed when you are a passenger in a car having a conversation with the driver and they try to look at you throughout? Maintaining eye contact in a normal conversation is pretty standard form... this we know. But trying to do this whilst driving? It’s an odd conversation because they are either snapping their necks quickly back and forth to look at you when you are in the passenger seat or it is a weird spy/chauffeur type conversation with them flicking glances via the rear view mirror. Or it gets really weird and they try to turn their whole body toward you or just their head swivels around like in a horror film and they projectile vomit all over you—okay I’m getting carried away...

Basically there needs to be a loophole in social etiquette so that car conversations with mandatory eye contact don’t go like this...

“Yeah and then I said to him that it wasn’t on – ya know?”

“Oh I know. The fact that he could go and do that to you? After all you did for him.”

“It makes my blood boil! Who cheats on someone with their grandma? I can’t believe that—”

Enter oncoming truck. Bloody chaos ensues.

Mind you the situation doesn’t have to be that emotionally charged... it could go like this...

“Man I just love Doritos!”

“No way! I love Doritos!”

Laughter “That is so funny that we both love Doritos this much...”

“I know. I thought you were more of a Pringles kind a guy but—”

Enter oncoming bus. Bloody chaos ensues.

Or even this...

“Something beginning with ‘r’.”

“Rabbit?”

“No.”

“Red car?”

“No.”

“It better not be ‘road’ again.”

“Hooray! You got it! You’re so smart... okay another one... Something beginning with ‘r’.”

Enter oncoming wildebeest. Bloody chaos ensues.

Okay I’m pretty sure that last one was an intentional crash.  

In order to prevent the previous scenarios playing out before your very eyes I don’t think there is anything wrong with putting a gentle hand on the driver’s arm and saying “it’s okay if you don’t look me in the eye while we converse. I understand how difficult it is to drive and be a good social citizen – it’ll be our little secret.” Hopefully the driver isn’t looking at you when you say that... otherwise it will have all been in vain...

The only other way of doing it is every time they try to look at you just scream “DON’T LOOK AT ME!! DON’T LOOK AT ME!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!”...

I can’t see any harm in that.