It's the End of the Loaf not the End of its Life

Why is it that no matter where or who you are when it comes to sitting down and enjoying a delicious slice of bread whether it is toasted, plain or accompanying other foodstuffs no one will ever take the end pieces of the loaf. The beginning and the end of the loaf always lie neglected in the bread bag at the end of the week. The poor pieces probably feel lifeless, useless and abandoned as the only human interaction they get is when someone accidently picks up the end piece only to let it fall down, down into the dark depths of rejection. The only time they then see the light of day is to fill a compost bin or be pecked to death by savage sea gulls at the dumpster. Pretty heart breaking stuff.

I decided that enough is enough. No longer would I be the one to inflict this pain upon an innocent fibre product. I would endeavour to right the wrongs every other end piece had endured by using them to their maximum potential. Was I going to eat them from now on? Hell no. I was going to find other more innovative ways to use the end bits in my everyday life.

As a sponge

Earmuffs

Postcard

A Coaster

Origami

Picture Frame

Iphone case

 A Book Mark

Art

Modern Art

Postmodern Art

Toilet Paper

A Make-Shift Rag for Chloroforming Unsuspecting Victims

Knee Pads

CDs

Money

Note: Most of these are much more effective once stale or frozen. Especially if you are considering using them as some sort of weapon – eg. Ninja death stars.

Ear Muffs

That’s right, you heard me, ear muffs. Or maybe you didn’t hear me? Because you’re wearing ear muffs... if you are then congratulations you have discovered the ground breaking untapped resource of silence.

First, people these days (and I say ‘these days’ even though I am quite a young individual and as if I’ve seem times prior to now that adds up to more than a couple of decades – which it doesn’t – but I beg that you get the right idea—ANYWAY) –ahem – people these days are so keen to cloud their day and I mean every second of it with some sort of music. Whatever happened to silence? Is that not ‘in’ anymore? I didn’t realise that I needed to be listening to Kanye West whilst exercising, Metallica whilst driving, Taylor Swift whilst studying, Tupac whilst cleaning the house and some random dance track whilst doing everything else. We are forever bombarding our lives with the beats that someone else made and though at times it may enhance memories for the most part it is blocking out the natural sounds.

This brings us back to the ear muffs. Why is it that ear muffs are only acceptable when using heavy machinery? They should be available in all walks of life. Not just the aforementioned activities either. Why can’t we wear them at loud concerts? I know it would look a bit dorky but for the sake of your hearing health it would be better post-concert to hear nothing than a sick ringing of dying cells. What about when attending a children’s party? Or a dinner event at the parents-in-laws’ house? Makes sense to me. Why pretend not to zone out when you can literally block them out?
Let the world know – ear muffs can do more than warm your ears – and more than act as an accessory for your head features. And you won’t die if you aren’t listening to music.