It's the End of the Loaf not the End of its Life

Why is it that no matter where or who you are when it comes to sitting down and enjoying a delicious slice of bread whether it is toasted, plain or accompanying other foodstuffs no one will ever take the end pieces of the loaf. The beginning and the end of the loaf always lie neglected in the bread bag at the end of the week. The poor pieces probably feel lifeless, useless and abandoned as the only human interaction they get is when someone accidently picks up the end piece only to let it fall down, down into the dark depths of rejection. The only time they then see the light of day is to fill a compost bin or be pecked to death by savage sea gulls at the dumpster. Pretty heart breaking stuff.

I decided that enough is enough. No longer would I be the one to inflict this pain upon an innocent fibre product. I would endeavour to right the wrongs every other end piece had endured by using them to their maximum potential. Was I going to eat them from now on? Hell no. I was going to find other more innovative ways to use the end bits in my everyday life.

As a sponge

Earmuffs

Postcard

A Coaster

Origami

Picture Frame

Iphone case

 A Book Mark

Art

Modern Art

Postmodern Art

Toilet Paper

A Make-Shift Rag for Chloroforming Unsuspecting Victims

Knee Pads

CDs

Money

Note: Most of these are much more effective once stale or frozen. Especially if you are considering using them as some sort of weapon – eg. Ninja death stars.

Ain't No Thang like a Bacon Wing

Ahh bacon. Good with eggs. The other white meat. Quite pink in colour. Rather fattening. Piggy origins.

Bacon. We all know of it and most of us enjoy it. I didn’t realise that meant it should be added to every type of food to make it better. Bacon doesn’t seem to be a stand alone meat though. It is always being added to other meaty food products like burgers, steaks and salads. If bacon had one mission in life it would be inserting its fatty presence into the mouth of anyone and everyone in the attempt to make it even better.

Turning on the television you will notice the usual amount of advertisements for fast food restaurants preaching the ‘goodness’ of their individual deep fried and heart-clogging products. Take a look closer – well as close as you can get without feeling that tiny bit of spew emerge in the back of your throat because, to me, the food doesn’t even look good in the ads which is concerning, I mean what the heck will it look like it person? Well not person in... burger. Looking closely you will notice that pretty much everything has now got bacon it. Or the bonus of adding MORE bacon at your leisure. Since when did bacon become the thing that makes everything more awesome? Okay, yeah, bacon is pretty delicious on occasion but I wouldn’t wear it on top of my veil at my wedding for the sake of looking more awesome – or would I? Pretty sure Kate Middleton was considering it...

That gets the cogs in my melon turning... what if we added to bacon to everyday objects to make them more awesome? I think everyone needs some more awesome in their daily grind and not just in their lunches. For example:

The vehicle you drive.

Work stuff.

Your kids.

 Technology.

Your home.

 The films you watch.

Everything can be improved with bacon. Next time you are feeling down about the state of the world or some crappy incident in your life just think of bacon.

My Techology is Better than Yours.

Why do Apple products feel the need to self-promote themselves? Sure, every business wants to let everyone know how awesome they are but I think it's a little bit lame that every product they release sets itself on a mission to let the world know about it and its brilliance.

Like ipads and iphones. Whenever someone sends an email from either of these products they end the email with "sent from my iphone" or "sent from my ipad". The person has no control over this but everytime I see that message I take it as an insult. A message of look at me and my sweet, fancy gadget - far superior to yours.

What if my computer did that everytime I sent an email? It would go like like:

Ray-Ray,

No, you cannot borrow my spandex tights again. I spent hours cleaning the mustard and bubblegum off them after the last time you used them.

Sent from my piece-of-shit Toshiba