Saturday, 26 February 2011

But seriously - where is Wally?

Grrrreeeeetings Wally Watchers!
 I was thinking about books and television shows I really enjoyed as a kid. “Where’s Wally?” was one of them. Nothing like screwing up your eyesight by very nearly pressing your face against the pages/tv screen in a desperate hope of finding Wally and his various hangers-on. In my case, I was at after school care battling with the other unloved children to scream “I FOUND HIM” first. Having said that... has anyone really stopped and thought about this poor fella?
Wally. Why is he always missing? Why does this young man feel the need to hide from prying eyes? He’s clearly a sensitive young man using a mask of happiness which disguises his tortured soul which probably came about because of a childhood experience of being left alone in a cosmic space of eternal emptiness and little human interaction. Hey – it happens.
Here’s another weird thing - he’s only a young man yet he has a CANE. Why? Does he have a leg impairment? A false leg? Muscle death? Who does this guy think he is? House? No. Apparently in the tv programme it was a ‘magical’ cane... sounds awfully suspicious to me... probably smuggling drugs into different lands with that cane... After all he has a different name in every country - Wally, Waldo, Charlie, Vili, Walter and many more! Interpol is probably, at this minute, desperately shouting “but seriously people, where the f*** is Wally??” Perhaps he’s a drug lord or perhaps... he’s under witness protection and is constantly seeking seclusion from Odlaw – his abusive lover! It all fits. Odlaw desperate to find Wally/Waldo wherever he roams to get
a) a little violent sumthin sumthin or
b) his drug stick or
c) all of the above!
Maybe Odlaw is Wally’s pimp and he’s trying to get back the money Wally owes him for his last trick... Odlaw doesn’t look that threatening and he seems pretty hopeless at catching him... and his name isn’t very pimpy... I mean O-man would be better... or Od-mutha-fucka. Anyway he dresses pretty pimpin... or very bee like...
Maybe Wally is an escaped mental patient where the uniform is red and white stripes – I mean I haven’t seen anyone walking the streets in a red and white striped long sleeve shirt with matching beanie! Have you? He must be nuts given that his ‘special female friend’, Wenda, looks suspiciously like him. He’s screwing his own sister people! Or maybe he’s a serious narcissist and wants to hook up with someone who is so like him that he no longer has to sticky tape a photograph of himself to his partners’ faces. Now that I think about this... it furthers the case that this psycho needs to be brought to justice and he’s being aided by none other than Wizard Whitebeard. Well if that aint some reference to crack I don’t know what is.
We must unite, people! Find this visually impaired freak! And his equally blind dog – I mean really a dog in glasses? Come on. That is some yuppie bullshit right there.   
Someone needs to bring this sight impaired, limping, drug pushing, incest loving, law breaking, badly dressed whore to justice! This isn’t a game. This isn’t just a happy children’s programme. It’s serious. He’ll come to your house, fill you with drugs and cane whip you for his sick and twisted pleasure. And then force you to wear red and white striped clothes FOREVER! AHHHHHHH!!