Thursday, 24 March 2011

If Celebrities were Cocktails...

Do not attempt to make or consume any of the following drinks. They are for written hilarity purposes only.
-          Miley Cyrus =     ½  cup sugar cubes, 400ml stomach bile.

-          Justin Bieber = 400ml warm milk.

-          Bono =                 600ml Guinness. Garnish with sprinkles of blended facial accessories served in biodegradable and vegan friendly cup.

-          Donald Trump = 200ml Scotch, 50ml tooth bleach. Garnish with yellow diamonds and the blood of endangered animals.    

-          Jack Black =         100g melted cheese, 100g bean dip, 100ml chocolate milk, 200ml generic beer, hint of speed.

-          Janice Dickinson = 400ml champagne. Pour into nearby gutter, use sponge to then transfer back into champagne flute and serve.  

-          Lindsay Lohan = 600ml soapy water.

-          Kristen Stewart = 100ml vodka, 100ml white rum, 400ml water, 100ml gin.  

-          Robert Pattinson = Blend lemon cough drops and the facial stubble of a human male with dark rum and serve.

-          Taylor Swift =     50g strawberries, 1 tbsp honey, 400ml apple juice blended. Dust rim of glass with anthrax.

-          Katy Perry =       100g strawberries, 100ml pineapple juice, 2 tsp white sugar, 200ml mango juice. Freeze into cylindrical shaped ice block and eat suggestively.  

-          Amy Winehouse =Box of wine poured directly down oesophagus.

-          Arnold Schwarzenegger = 5 raw eggs, unhealthy dose of steroids, ½ cup muscle growth powder, 15ml whiskey. Shake and serve. Spoon may be required.

-          Snooki =               1 tangle of miscellaneous dark hair found in drain of public bathroom, 1 litre of cheap vodka. Serve in a plastic bucket.  

-          Scarlett Johansson = 300ml cream, 200ml espresso. Rim the glass with cigarette ash.

-          Michael Cera = Alco-pop served with straw.  

-          Keira Knightley = 200ml pure lime juice, 200ml pure lemon juice, 200ml cranberry juice.

-          Willow Smith = 400g sequins, 200g glitter, 200ml orange fruit drink served in sippy cup.

-          Lady Gaga =        Find any number of random objects and blend. Garnish with sparklers and serve on top of one’s own head.

-          Charlie Sheen =  200ml methylated spirits, 50ml nail polish remover, crushed ice, crushed assorted illegal drugs. Shake well and serve over lit cigarettes.

-          Russell Brand =                 600ml mixture of scotch, whiskey, rum and vodka, one tsp of human sweat served in an unwashed martini glass.

-          Ke$ha =                2 tbsp sequins, 200ml cheap sparkling white wine, 200ml arsenic served in an old boot.

-          Paris Hilton =      An empty cup.

1 comment:

  1. I love this!!! Janice Dickinson was my favorite :)