Monday, 16 January 2012

Just Because it's a Baby Doesn't Make it Cute

Why is it every time I am out with other female acquaintances and a baby is either wheeled or waddles by they all go “awwww look at how cute that baby is!”. I turn and see a bulbous headed chimp.

Some babies are cute – I will admit that. BUT – not all are. I think people forget that just because it’s a baby doesn’t mean it is automatically cute. Naturally, parents become biased and think their little angel isn’t actually a blobby little brat – which it is. That always seem to happen when you are near a small child and they begin biting you, screaming or Exorcist style vomiting in your direction yet the parent does nothing. As if the parent expects, you too, to grin like a valium injected moron at this child’s antics. News flash – they ain’t cute! It’s similar with all fun things that just so happen to be aimed only at children. Like seal shows. Why do parents always insist on their kids participating? I want to participate, dammit. I feel that in my years of life I bloody well deserve to throw the odd fish but – no – this snot encrusted gnome must steal the glory. Glory which they will almost certainly never remember.
Unfortunately, some people will not have cute kids. They will look like shrunken mushrooms for a good couple of years in their lives. Others will be in commercials and adored by thousands until they get older, no one cares and they cry themselves to sleep wondering why.

Why is it most babies look like little old men despite their sex? I get introduced to little Megan or Sarah or Angela and I have to stop myself from offering the newborn a refreshing glass of prune juice or some assistance to cross the street.
Then you get that awful moment when a new mother thrusts their child upon your person and begs to know the answer to the question "Isn't she just the cutest!?". Let me tell you "uumm for something that looks, smells and squeals like a piglet - I suppose so" is not the right answer unless you want to experience what all of Medusa's victims experienced.

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