Monday, 27 February 2012

Not Dead... Yet...

Ahoy thar loyal readers!
 Or just any readers.
If you've been wondering "what the heck happened to that weird 'Irony and Pie' blog chick who seems to despise all the things - well here I am! I ran out of inspirational steam and then all this life got in the way. Therefore this entry will merely consist of what I've been up to of late - and it does contain more than watching Hardcore Pawn (please note the spelling).
Well. First. I got rather unwell. My skin began to feel very painful and every touch was like a dagger. Not very people-friendly when your significant other is trying to pat your head to make you feel better and you just scream out "OWWW!! YOU'RE KILLING ME, DAMMIT!". Then I suffered a particularly bad fever which made me rather delusional so I ended up much like this kid...
To make matters worse (or better/more entertaining) I began to invent some new products that I thought - in my crazed state - would help mankind and make me millions upon squillions of monies. I'm not even joking - I was sitting on the floor of the shower garbling nonsense about these "great and new ideas" apparently.
The first was for those who happen to have fake legs. Instead of an almost flesh coloured, really obvious detachable limb that you were too shy to wear shorts with then try this - The amputee fishtank!

Now you too can enjoy the breezy benefits of shorts, skirts and skorts with the knowledge that people aren't staring at your fake leg because it seems alien and unfamiliar but because there are wildlife in there! Forget platform shoes with a few lifeless goldfish in them - try a whole school of tropical and aquatic life! If you are a larger individual why not try to fit a shark in there? Get a work-out all the time hoisting this bad boy around the town - you will get thigh muscles that resemble tree trunks.
Naturally, I had worked out the kinks such as self-cleaning walls and a light and heating system depending on your location.  

Then I came up with detachable hands. Why bother clumsily holding different things, never quite getting the full use of mastery out of certain objects? You only need to have a short, sharp dose of back alley surgery and you're on your way! Then simply pop off your current hands and clip on new ones!

Also available - blending tool hands, knife hands, mobile phone hands and so on and so forth.
I now realise that I was just coming up with odd attachments in lieu of actual body parts. I'm like Quentin Tarantino and that film about the girl with the gun for a leg. I wonder if he came up with that in a similar state as I did?
In this ill time I also had a bunch of job interviews (at last!) but still haven't heard anything (typical). Though I'm not completely surprised at that response as, despite my excellent performance, I did resemble a drug addict attempting to go cold turkey given my sweaty and extremely pale appearance and my struggle to remain sitting upright.

Other then being ill I got the worst sunburn I've had in the last ten years all across my back and shoulders. This made putting on a shirt everyday like this...

I also discovered memes. As you may have guessed. The internet and its jokes are now ruling my being.

And finally I became a bridesmaid.

And that mes amis is what I have been doing.

Hopefully I'll have more material for ya reeeeaaal soon!

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