Sunday, 18 March 2012

Dub Step: Sounds of Sci-Fi and Pingers

Recently, I had the most unfortunate experience of accidently lending my ears to the new genre of music which is labelled “dub step”. Good ol’ reliable Wikipedia had a definition ready for me which states that dub step consists of ‘“tightly coiled productions with overwhelming bass lines and reverberant drum patterns, clipped samples, and occasional vocals”’. In layman’s terms this means a lot of jangly noise you could do without, but if tied to a chair and forced to listen then the intake of many, many multicoloured illicit drugs are a must-have.
This “genre” seemed to gently slip its way into the music scene, if you ask me. One minute I was listening to the new Britney Spears’ song (don’t judge – and, yes, it sucked), bopping away at her stupid lyrics and girlish yet skanky tones when suddenly a transformer with a booming voice and a stutter must have crashed through the walls of the recording studio and had at it with the microphone. Meanwhile Britney must have been crushed in the frenzy as she only returns in the song to reiterate what has already been said and therefore already been recorded.
Basically dub step sounds like this:
“BOOOOOOO BA BA… MMMmmm T-T-T-T-T-T VVVVVVVWWWWWAAAAAA… Brrrrr Dun zz zz zz zz zz. Woooooooooooooooooooooooo. WA WA WA WA WA Wa Wa wa wa wa… boom boom tsk tsk tsk”
And repeat for what feels like hours.  

Sorry, how is this music? These are just sounds. Noises.
If I wanted to know what a washing machine and a waffle ironing wooing one another with sounds would be like – this is it.
Sure listen to it at the clubs where everyone’s main goal is to get with someone without seeming like they went to the club in the first place to get some as this becomes obnoxious back noise that doesn’t make people feel awkward. I would feel awkward though – how do you dance to that? There’s no poppy lyrics telling you to “put your hands up” or “jump, jump, jump” so what is there to do when you are being told, in song, by Optimus Prime to… … who knows? Seems like you need to be able to manipulate time in order to dance in slow motion with – at least – an expression on your face which makes you look as if you are stuck in a vacuum cleaner yet really nonchalant about the whole affair.   
In summary – and in case you hadn’t already guessed – not a fan.

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