And Another Thing - Music Videos

So this is kind of a rehash on a previous blog but I feel there is more to be said on the topic of music videos.

We all know they are a sleazy display of the alcohol fuelled, skantily clad youth of today but there is more to it than that now. It's not just sleazy because there are cleavages, various asses and thrusting hip motions dominating the screens but more because of the obvious product placement. It is so rare to see a film clip that doesn't have a zoomed-in image of a car symbol, alcohol label, clothing brand or some other gaudy and over priced unnecessary piece of garbage.

Somehow, recently, I was watching the "Top 30 Countdown" of popular and current music - for the sake of my reputation (!) let's say I was shackled to the chair and my eyes were forced open "Clockwork Orange" style. Anyway I was subjected to the gyrating flesh fest that is contemporary pop and noticed that in the top five most popular songs of the week, three of them had obvious product placement for mini coopers. The cooper establishment must be suffering if they need to have some random singers mating in the back seat. This boggles my mind as I had always thought mini coopers would make any type of courting ritual rather difficult in the back seat given that they are about the size of a tuna can.

Soon the lyrics of the songs will become the tag lines of the products and it will be like "Sha la la la Oh baby I love the way you buy me the products I need. Git out ma Nike hat - the hat that fits better than most and drivin' ma pimped out mini cooper - the ride that bounces, swoops and goes like the wind - vroom vroom, baby yeah". Catchy, huh?

Buzz Words

Have you ever noticed that decades of modern history are marked by fashion and music? You know how music channels do montages of the best hits of the 80s, 90s and so on and each clip stars the same hideous garb as the last? I can never sit through those... seeing monster shoulder pads alongside crimped hair more than once activates my gag reflex.

Anyway the point I'm trying to make is that I've realised that decades are not only defined by fashion mistakes and music, they are also noted for their buzz words. As in words that were really big at the time and whenever anyone says them in context now people stop, stare and judge. Like when I was watching "Fern Gully" recently and I came out with "that was a totally bodacious and tubular lunch". I'm pretty sure my audience are still sitting at the cafe staring at the space I use to be sitting in.

I've noticed in this day and age - as in NOW - people tend to use a whole bunch of buzz words in order to make sales. Recently, if an ad for any product comes on television or the radio or one of those annoying people that stand in the middle of the shopping centre going "Excuse me! Excuse me ma'am? Want to try this?" they use words that somehow make you feel like you are doing something good for yourself. Words like "minerals", "anti-oxidants", "organic", "free-range" and "herbal" just to mention a few. Nowadays if a product is selling itself to you and it doesn't have one of these words or something similar on it we don't care. We, the people, want to feel good about buying something that is that little bit more expensive (and it only is that little bit more expensive because of these words not because the product is actually going to deliver any of this promised jargon) so we get a little ego boost about how awesome we are for locating, finding and using the product. Think of how many people we can tell about the product we use.

"Oh Cindy I just bought the most FABULOUS hand moisturiser. It's made from 5000% organic anti-oxidants and with every bottle I've freed an Atlantic salmon from captivity."
"Okay. Cool. I just use the cheap stuff from the supermarket."
"I don't feel that using the 'cheap' stuff is contributing to our fast-paced globalised world and its living creatures."
"I didn't realise that fish were so heavily impacted by my choice of hand lotion."
"Oh they are, Cindy. They are."
..............................
"So, does it work?"
"Not really."

Buzz, buzz, buzz. If someone tells me about the benefits of anti-oxidants I want to then go ahead and ask them if they know what an anti-oxidant actually is - without googling it. We like to believe we are going that extra step to help something rather than just ourselves so the purchase won't make us feel too bad.

Now that we can identify these ad ploys we need to quickly get on board with the next big thing - what's some new buzz words we can throw around in the next ten years and make squillions of dollars? How about... a secret herb that is made only by Sha-Shark-Kan monks in the remote jungles of South America? Or... the never before known extract of a cumquat that will keep you looking good and quite fragrant forever...

Product Placement

Has anyone else noticed how blatantly obvious the product placement in video clips has become? I remember when there were none and these music stars where still getting paid in dumpster trucks full of money... Not personally. But you know.

Take the Lady Gaga clip for “Telephone” – that is if you can handle the full 9 minute and 30 second underwear abundant acting atrocity where Gaga stares vacantly at the camera for awkward periods of time... Here’s the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVBsypHzF3U

If you can stand it then you’ll see there are two spots of obvious product placement for Virgin Mobile – at 2:08, 4:14 and one for Polaroid at 5:43 as well as a little one towards the end. There’s also one for the Plenty of Fish dating website – weird. Now these aren’t just little slipped in props that may catch your attention in a quick flash if you’re lucky (or unlucky) these are long ass close up shots of these products... I mean if you watch them and go “deeeerrrrrrrr” for as long as the thing is on the screen then you’ll get how long it actually seems. And simultaneously you’ll sound like the zombie that these companies want you to be so that you shuffle your dead carcass to the stores to buy several of their product!

Okay... duh... the song is called “Telephone” and they are promoting phones – I’VE MADE THAT CONNECTION thank you very much Sceptical Reader. It’s not just this clip. And they don’t always make sense... or rather they rarely make sense. Black Eyed Peas have always got some mobile phones in their clips like “Let’s Get it Started”. Lady Gaga shamelessly promotes Baby G watches, Campari in “Love Game”. Diesel sunglasses in Katy Perry’s “Hot N Cold”. We see Carerra sunglasses in Rhianna’s “Rude Boy” and a long look at some Parrot product in “Russian Roulette”. Britney Spears makes some shameless self-promotion in her new clip “Hold it Against me” with her fragrance “Radiance” as well as Make Up Forever, Sony and Plenty of Fish – you’re pretty much saying “deeeerrrrr” through this whole clip but not just from the products but also the random Britney v Britney smackdown towards the end. I’ve got my bets on Britney. “Deeeeerrrrrrr?”

I’m guessing these sneaky sponsors are a backlash against the influx of illegal downloads... I mean aren’t they saying the music industry isn’t making as much money as it once was? So that makes some sense... Why mobile phones though? Doesn’t everyone in the world have an iphone now? And if they don’t aren’t they making progress to get one? Why are watches being promoted? Since when was time going out of style?

I just have one more question for this clip... Okay I kind of understand why Gaga and Beyonce poisoned the jerk boyfriend and to a lesser extent the whole restaurant... but WHY DID THEY HAVE TO KILL THE DOG?? What did it do to deserve that fate? I doubt the dog would gallop to the cops to dob them in thereby ensuring itself some sort of monetary compensation. What would a dog do with money? Or justice for that matter? Was the dog Gaga’s jerk boyfriend? Did the dog eat all Gaga’s food? Treat her badly? Not introduce her to his doggy friends? Criticise her dress sense? I don’t think so. Poor puppy.

Having said all this if there are any technological big wigs who want to pimp their product via my blog and pay me oodles for it then... well... maybe then it’s ok.

What others can YOU find?

PS: Just for a treat look at 6:19 and you’ll see one guy using a lettuce as a phone and another using a baguette. Maybe this is more product placement I was unaware of! All I know is I’m eating more lettuce and bread than ever before! They don’t get very good reception though...

Basic Products - Now with added pointlessness!

Have you noticed recently that every single basic product we know and use is trying to spice itself up? Walking through the supermarket I realised that basic everyday products that we all know and use like butter, milk, flour, bread and so on are constantly trying to make themselves stand out amongst the competition. My main thought was – is there really a competition? When I choose one of these boring necessary items I usually grab the one that is either closest to me (as grocery shopping is a trying bore and stuffing as much as I can in as little time as possible is ideal in this situation) or I take the one that is the cheapest which is usually indicated by an ENORMOUS label which reads “ON SPECIAL!! LIKE OMFG WOW!”. It gets me in.

Anyway these products seem to be in a sales race... Yeah I understand that with other products like... errr... soft drinks and ice cream. There are different flavours, different varieties and everybody likes different drinks and desserts. Different milks though? Butters? Is anyone really hell bent on forever buying one brand of butter and NEVER trying anything else? I mean if you were the head of the “Grandma’s Butter” company you probably would but regular joes? I don’t think so.

So here’s my point (I knew I’d get there eventually) you look now and there’s butter with vegetable oil or butter with no oil or butter with less fat, butter with more fat, butter with in the middle amounts of fat, fatty ass fat butter, butter with nutmeg, butter with Cajun spices, butter with pesto, butter with cognac, butter with butter, butter upside down and butter al fresco. Then each one comes in four different sizes – and that’s just one brand! Each butter manufacturer comes up with their own forty different varieties. It’s madness. Now there is a butter aisle rather than a section. Not to mention the space in your own fridge should you purchase one of each. Why the need to tart butter up? I mean I go to use a basic product like butter on my toast, in cooking and greasing various things (oo-err)  – do I really need lemon myrtle infused butter for this? Who wants their traditional pancakes to taste like fish oil?  

If I were to market these types of products I’d at least make them interesting. “Magic Butter – churned by semi-attractive goblins”. Now that’s what I’m talking about. If you’re going to beat the market you’re going to have to do better than “Butter – now with more cow!” and try “Butter with vampire blood – makes you lives forever” or “Butter with extract of Johnny Depp – everyone wants a lil Johnny in them”. These are things I would buy. I should probably send this to butter company and let them pay me a ridiculous amount of money for my ideas.

Chances are they’ll read my comments and go where every other product on this earth has gone – sex. Soon you’ll be walking down the dairy aisle and you’ll have to shield your child’s eyes from the porn on every packet. Naked women covered in butter. Actually... maybe I would buy that. It would be hilarious.