Why is it now that whenever I go outside to face the world I have to be confronted by the bouncing bums of chicks my age in tiny, tiny shorts?
I walked through the city and I realised I was absentmindedly staring at the girl-in-front-of-me’s rump hanging out of her shorts. That sounds perverted but I was not staring in a sleazy way... more in a wide-eyed version of repulsion. I thought this might be a one-off. A poor misguided girl who forgot to look at her butt in those pants before setting out on her adventures of the day. But no. There were several of them – gangs of them, herds of them! Each bobbling along with their butt cheeks dangling free.
I can understand shorts. They make sense. It’s hot. They’re short. I get it. But when did shorts become denim underpants? They’re not “shorts” but rather “non-existents”.
Maybe these girls are aware that their backsides are on display but I’m boggled as to why you would want to jiggle your jelly at unsuspecting passer-bys. I mean there are both children and old people in this world who probably don’t want/don’t need to see that. Heck I don’t need to see that.
I wear shorts... we all do at some point but this is just getting ridiculous... I mean we wear high waisted shorts now which kind of looks like regular shorts that have been yanked way up resulting in this bum leakage – but this can be avoided! I mean I wear high waisted shorts but I am not guilty of this –
And this is what is out there! Everywhere! I went to an RSL club (like a members club where people were expected to cover themselves up in respect for the veterans of WWII but really it’s just a place to get cheap drinks and play the pokies) and I wore a longish dress and covered up my cleavage expecting this to be the norm but OH NO... Yoko OH NO... there was a girl with her bra hanging out of her shirt and her buttocks hanging out of her non-existents... dear me... How can anyone concentrate on their chicken schnitzel when there’s female rump lurking around your ears?
Oh on another note – well following the bum segue... I went out to a cocktail bar with friends the other day wearing high waisted long pants and I walked past all the tables to go to the restroom when I overheard a girl at a booth say “Gee those were nice pants” to which the other girl replied in a loud bogan voice “Yeah but they make her arse look HUGE!” ... that may be so but I didn’t see hear her boyfriend complaining as I waltzed on by...
Anyway the main point of this blog is – big bums are awesome but KEEP EM COVERED. Ladies, leave something to the imagination! Think of my gag reflex!