WARNING: There may be spoilers.
Titanic & Titanic II: NEVER get on a boat with “Titanic” in the title. It will only end badly.
Juno: Teen pregnancy is without consequence as long as you have a quirky attitude and a phone in the shape of a hamburger.
The Mummy: Don’t mess with foreign artefacts.
The Mummy Returns: Don’t mess with foreign artefacts.
The Mummy 3: DON’T F***ING MESS WITH FOREIGN ARTEFACTS!
Avatar: Pocahontas is hot regardless if she is blue or not.
Tron Legacy: Tron is a pretty crappy universe.
Harry Potter 1-7: Emma Watson will never learn to act.
Black Swan: You can dance the best “Swan Lake” of your life as long as you have a shard of glass lodged in your abdomen and are prepared to die at the end of it.
Gone with the Wind: You can be successful if you marry a lot and slap everyone.
The Dark Knight: Screechy violins make for a lot of tension.
Mean Girls: Janice Ian needs to wash her hair more often.
Girl with a Pearl Earring: Be prepared for nothing much to happen.
The Young Victoria: Be prepared for nothing much to happen.
Saw: Avoid people with terminal cancer.
The Shawshank Redemption: Prison walls are deceptively crumbly.
Pulp Fiction: Nothing says family memento than an ass watch.
Inception: Crazy ex-wives ruin your career. Even if they are dead.
Fight Club: Your alter ego can be much hotter than you.
The Matrix: You’re not cool if you don’t wear leather.
Psycho: When in the shower – remain vigilant!
The Silence of the Lambs: Buffalo Bill puts an awful lot of effort into his outfits.
Forest Gump: I want a friend called Bubba.
Spirited Away/Alice in Wonderland: For the sake of the audience’s sanity – just roll with it, okay?
The Shining: Stephen King gets a bit carried away with extra plot details.
WALL-E: The human race is destined to be fat and doomed. In that order.
Inglorious Basterds: World War II fan fiction at its best.
Up: A barren, dead wife does not a happy film make.
The Wizard of Oz: Always steal the shoes of dead people.
Slumdog Millionaire: You can easily cheapen any great film with a dance number at the end.
The Sixth Sense: Bruce Willis’ character likes to hang out with young boys.
District 9: Aliens like cat food.
V for Vendetta: Natalie Portman’s character lost her hair for no reason.
The Social Network: Friends are expendable for fame!